Mid Morning Revelation

So I was just mopping the floor and this thought came out of no where: "You either have to change your theology or your attitude." More revelation continued to come...

"You say you believe I am ALWAYS good and relentlessly kind. Yet, when you look around and things you want aren't happening on your time, you complain, and you question. You question my motives and you rise up with a entitlement attitude."

OOPS! ...(insert repentance)

"Either I am relentlessly kind or extremely cruel. Either I am giving you the best possible situation right now or I am holding out on you. Change your attitude or your theology."

Yeah, that was my mid morning revelation.

Intimacy and Trust

The truth is it is difficult to believe for what we cannot see, for the thing we have no physical evidence for, unless you know and trust the person in charge, and that's what it really comes down to. We all want to believe that we trust the Lord but the truth is when we are tested, we so tempted with doubt and the questions plague our mind. "Lord, what are you doing?" "Lord, I thought I heard you say ___." "Lord, what about the dreams in my heart, when O Lord?" We are tempted to believe the age old lie that the serpent told Eve in the garden, "God is holding out on you." We knows it's a lie, but it's how we feel. So what do we do?

It comes down to two things...Intimacy and trust. The test will reveal where you're at in these two areas. Intimacy precedes trust, and trust is the key. The truth is most of us don't know and trust the Lord on the kind of level we would like to think. The good news is that's the whole point He sent Jesus, so that we could know Him and trust Him, so relationship could be restored. God doesn't fail. He can't fail and He can't lie. He purposely puts desires in us from Him, so He can come through for us. But He wont come through on our time at the cost of losing intimacy with us. After all His love is a Jealous and all consuming Love.

This past Friday night someone prayed something over me that wrecked me. Something I haven't ever heard in my thirteen years of being a believer. They said "God doesn't have an agenda with you, He is not trying to fix you. He just wants you." Those words hit me hard! So many times through times of testing I think "oh, God is disciplining me or trying to make me better at ________." Truth is, God just wants me. He just wants you. He desires relationships with sons and daughters, not slaves. He desires friendship & intimacy, not good law abiding people. He desires a love relationship of seeking and finding, pursuing and responding, of giving and receiving. That is what the Lord is after. I don't care what season you are in, this is true for you. It is about knowing Him and trusting Him. Trust isn't easy, it is built and earned. Good news is God has a great track record, He is the most loyal and trustworthy person on the planet and He never fails. He proved it at the cross.

Make a choice. Choose intimacy with Jesus. Choose to embrace the season your in instead of questioning His motives. He has pure motives. No agenda. You are not being punished or forgotten. God is in a good mood. God is including you in His plan. God is pursuing you. Receive it and respond.

His Promise

Jeremiah 29:13
"When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—God's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it."

Today as I sat at the waterfalls in Asheville, NC. I took in the beautiful sunshine, the cold water on my feet, and the sound of rushing waters around me. I thought of how the voice of the Lord is as the sound of many waters and Oh how I longed to hear His voice. I was watching the Brunson boys splash and have the time of their lives in the water and was pondering life. I began to hear a few men speaking in a different language and I looked up. It sounds strange but it felt like home to me hearing them speak. I thought of how much I love cultures, languages, and all types of people. Then I watched as a Father and Son left their fellow family member and went to a different spot. The young boy sat on a rock in his swimsuit and with a huge smile on his face watched Reilly and Jake play. I could feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart. I moved closer to him climbing a few rocks. I was scared to talk to him but the Lord's voice was so strong, so I laid out my fleece. "Lord, let him look at me and I'll speak to him." He did, and I said "Where are you from?" He replied, "Israel." We excitement I told him my sister was in Israel and began a conversation. I told him I heard his family speaking another language and was curious where they were from. He replied that they were speaking Hebrew. I just grinned from ear to ear and we went back and forth for a few minutes asking/answering questions. He asked if my friend who had lived in Israel for 2 years was Jewish and I said no, but she LOVES the Jewish people and so do I. He looked a bit confused but just nodded. He was on vacation in the U.S. with his family traveling and sight seeing. I just felt such joy and love in my heart for this boy, I cannot explain it. It was instant the moment I saw him, I could feel the compassion of Christ. I told him that I would like to visit his country and he looked at me with the sincerest look and smile on his face and replied, "You are welcome!"

I cannot explain what this did for my heart. God has been speaking to me so much about living missionally and I've been praying about what that looks like. I thought, this was God ordained! I cannot go to the nations right now, so He brings them to me! It was beautiful and a moment I will never forget.

I think this verse in Jeremiah is perfect. It is what God is saying in my own life as well as all the nations of the earth. The Lord is drawing us to come after HIm with a promise attached to it...He is will turn things around, that we can count on!

Let me be like the Windmill

Change. The transition before change is being felt everywhere. Can you feel it? The Church is talking about it, the world is talking about, even the weather is talking about it. Have you ever noticed the Lord will use the natural to parallel the supernatural? He does it in my life all the time. I can feel the weather began to shift..the wind feels different, the sun is producing less heat, change is near.

The Lord prompted me yesterday to read an excerpt from the book "Seeing Spots and Other Visions." It's a book my Nemaw gave me many many years ago. There is one particular vision Thelma had that has stuck in my mind. She saw a ball hanging from a string. The Holy Spirit began to blow on it and it went the opposite way. Then He went to the other side and blew on the other side and it went the other way. She said the Lord spoke to her and said He wanted her to be so sensitive to the moving and prompting of His Spirit, even in the slightest degree. I believe I am in a time of transition and it is KEY that I am sensitive to the Spirit. I believe the Body of Christ is in a time of transition as well. We must heed His voice in this time. If He says give, give. If He says quit your job, quit your job. If He says pray, pray. If He says fast, fast. We must heed His voice. He is speaking.

May His Spirit be like the wind and may we be like the windmill that moves when the Spirit moves. amen.

Ezekiel 2:2 (The MSG)
The moment I heard the voice, the Spirit entered me and put me on my feet. As he spoke to me, I listened.

You and Me Walk On

In less than a month, I will start a new chapter of my life. I will officially be a "Post Grad." I never thought the day would come. It will be like a bird who has been in a cage for 4 years finally being freed! A bit dramatic, I know. I am excited though. The possibilities are endless but currently the opportunities are few. I have really been wrestling with "desire." What does it really mean to have desires and do they really matter when God has a will, a perfect will? We often quote the verse in Psalm 34, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." For the past 3 years, I have been seeking the Lord about what that means. We all have desires but will the Lord really give us a desire that He doesn't have for us and would we want him to anyway? So the process begins: applying for jobs, deciding where to live (and with whom), scurrying my way through finals, praying, seeking, waiting. It's exciting but also a jump of faith that includes uncertainty of the landing!

"Safe? Who said anything about safe? He's not safe, but He's good."

I wanna be a songbird

Today I asked Jesus and He helped me find my passport! I was grateful as I pulled it from its envelope and held it close to me..it made me long to travel. I constantly have this longing but something about holding my passport made it more tangible today. It felt somehow closer. I was made for more than this. Don't get me wrong, I have a great life, a beautiful family, Church, and friends, etc. Yet, somehow I feel stuck and held back where I am, like a bird waiting to be freed from her cage. It is time to fly, to soar onto new things. It is never easy to leave. To leave behind the comfortable life you've always known..but I can never be happy settling for less than God's will for me. It's time to fly!

How you view God will affect the way you interpret Scripture.

By nature, I fear authority, I always have. I would rarely push my luck with standing up or against any kind of authority growing up. I ultimately feared the authority of God the most. I honestly loved Jesus and wanted to obey Him but I can't lie, there was some fear there of what would happen if I didn't. One of my Dad's favorite phrases was: "You can choose you sin, but you can't choose your consequences." Even though it is a true statement, it always invoked fear into me. When I did mess up I thought "What will happen to me?" It was this agonizing waiting of the "consequence." So when I read passages like John 5, I was disturbed.

"Afterward Jesus found him in the temple, and said to him, “See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.” -John 5:14

This is not the most cheerful verse. When I think about Jesus, the Lord of the universe coming up to me and saying "Do not sin anymore or something worse than what I healed you from will happen to you!" I would have to go be a nun. I always wondered what that man thought to himself? And what do we as believers do with this verse? We know that the chances of us making it even a day without sinning is not good. So was Jesus rebuking a SPECIFIC sin? If so, what in the world was it, so we can avoid this "worse thing coming upon us?" Or was it more general? Like, don't be addicted to a sin, you can do it once but more than once and the "worse thing" will happen? Christian or not, all of us have addictions. Whether it be the way we talk, what we eat, or watch, the list goes on. So what do we do? Are we disqualified? These are the kind of questions that went through my mind as I have read this passage. I'm just being honest. I believe we as Christians need to deal with these "tough" passages and ask the Lord to show us the truth.

So a month or so ago, I was wallowing in self-pity. I heard the Lord quote to me a different verse in this passage “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” When I heard it in my spirit, it was not said in a sweet gentle way. It was said in an authoritative, matter-of-fact, you WILL do it, kind of way! It startled me when I heard it, but I heard the Lord say afterward. Quit lying there when I've given you all that you need to get up. This morning, I heard the Lord quote "Go and sin no more!" When I looked it up I realized it was the SAME passage as the verse He gave me about a month ago. Again, I heard an authoritative voice and I reverted back to the famous quote "you can choose your sin, but you can't choose your consequences." the Lord said: NO, I said that with authority to the man BECAUSE I was setting Him free to do what he could not do for himself. Jesus was not putting a legalistic law on this healed man and heaping judgment on him. It was both a warning but it was a freeing statement of authority to GO and live what Jesus had just FREELY given him. Jesus was fully aware of the mans sins and imperfections and He was setting him free and telling him not to squander his freedom or something worse would happen. It reminded me of a Scripture in

Romans 6:15
What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not!


We should have the fear of the Lord but the fear of the Lord is not the same as FEAR. It is a reverence, awe, and respect not a trembling terror of dispair. When we read Scripture we must look at through the lens of God's character throughout His word as a whole and not pick out Scriptures or we won't see what He is trying to say!

Victim Mentality

For the past couple of days I have been thinking about what it means to have a "victim mentality." Maybe you think you've never had one but I can assure you that you are mistaken. It's that...

Nobody cares about how I feel!
I always get left out!
I am always the one having to do everything!

I am always the one that ____________. You can feel in the blank. I have heard so many people call themselves a black sheep. A black sheep in their family, their church, their circle of friends. We have all fallen to the victim mentality. Oh, I felt it strong today. At 1,000 different ends I was "rejected," or at least I felt so, whether the people intended it or not. I stopped to think WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Is it okay to feel sorry for ourselves when we are clearly wronged??? No, it is not. It is not okay. We need to wipe it off, let it go, ask Jesus to fill the wound, and move on. Today I wanted to be three years old and tell quite a few people how they needed to value what I say and what I feel, consider my time and my own life stresses, appreciate my friendship, love me as I am, make time for me, not cut me off when I am speaking, e-mail me back so I don't feel like a loser, etc. I wanted to pitch a fit and on the inside I did. Then, I realized something...it is the enemy who wants us all to have a defeated, victim mentality. This forgotten, rejected, stabbed in the back, sinned against feeling...all the time, by someone. Sadly you will see many Christians who live in this place. They can't over what Sally in 9th grade said about them in the bathroom, or their deceased parent's neglect of them growing up. I am not saying these things don't hurt, trust me, they do: I've experienced quite a few wounds myself, but it's what we do with them that counts right?

I think the easy Christian answer is to forgive and let go but it's not so easy is it? Many of us can do the forgiving part, but let it go? That's easier said than done. We want to protect our breakable hearts. That's why the minute someone does something as simple as forgets to respond to an e-mail, all the wounds burst forth in screeching agony, trying to resurface their way through our e-motions. It's reality that sometimes the way people love...well, it sucks. We all love with selfish motives sometimes because we are still in process and only God's love is agape. The only thing I have learned to do is turn to God and know that He is ALL of the things that no human could ever be for you. Then, humbly ask him to help you to let it all go and love others even with their despicable--to really see an aching heart lying in them, JUST like your own.

I'll leave you with this quote:

"Love for neighbor is love for him in all his strange, irritating, distinct createdness. Love is eternal, leveling righteousness, because it justifies no man according to his desire. Love edifies the fellowship because it seeks fellowship only. Love expects nothing, because it has already reached the goal." Karl Barth

The Will of God For Our Lives

No doubt this is a huge topic of discussion among believers. Every believer wants to be in "God's perfect will." I cannot count to you the number of conversations about this topic I have had over the years. I can remember my junior and senior year in high school. There is no word for the amount of anxiety I had over finding and obeying "God's perfect will." One thing that God has shown me in the past month is that while there is value in the persistancy of prayer (what I mean is continuing to ask God over and over), he hears us the first time we pray for something. Prayers that you prayed when you were just a child, He STILL hears them because He is outside of space and time.

So..this thought came into my head this morning. God knows I have asked for his will on a range of circumstances as well as for my life at least hundreds of times..He heard me the first time. God's will shouldn't something that we fear missing and in turn messing up our whole lives. This morning I heard "My will is accomplished in the small steps of obedience." As crazy as it sounds, simply waking up and being Led by the Spirit to shop at Ingles that day is a small step of obedience that is contributing to you living out God's will. Let me explain.

Here's how this thing goes. I took a year off from school..felt an unction to return and made a choice where I felt like God was leading. While this looked stupid to the world because I have taken on a year longer before I can graduate..I have made some connections through some connections that are contributing to God's will for my life. It was the small steps: Step to go to school, step to invest in certain people, step to attend certain events, step to respond to God to pray...etc. The little steps are bringing about God's perfect Will and it's not something that is difficult and fearful, it is just Me living my everyday life.

Dreams and Visitations

I have been saying for about a month, "This is a season of dreams." I know that is true in my life but I believe it is true for many others. I always like to praise God for my dreams given to me by Him and I normally don't like talking about ones that are not from him. However, I had last night has stuck with me all day. I won't give you names or the context but I will say it was a dream of a boy who was blindly manipulated. This dream saddened my heart because sometimes the very things and people we should trust can be our enemies.

Matthew 10:36
a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.


So what do we do?

2 Timothy 1:14
Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

2 Peter 3:17
Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position.


God had deposited something so precious and valuable inside of every believer. Inside of us he has entrusted his Spirit, His Salvation and His presence. It is easy to guard against terriosts, against known enemies and evil men but the enemy is subtle and sometimes its our closest relatives and friends that we must guard against. I'm sure eve recognized the serpent as an animal who shared her home, probably even a friend. Don't get me wrong I am not saying we should be fearful, paranoid, or unloving but we should be aware, watchful, and ALWAYS praying. We should ask God for a fortress around the precious things he has deposited in us, lest we be deceived.

If this is a season of dreams and visitations for you, guard. Guard them with all diligence and ask for discernment for who to entrust these precious things to.

Things You Should Know About Jordan

1. I like to clean in dress shoes...platforms, sandals, or flats.

Okay, a bit strange I know but they are surprisingly useful when cleaning. They will help you reach stuff, they are easy to slip on and off, and if you spill something on them it is easy to wipe it off!

2. I'm afraid of knives.
Now for most of my life I have been able to avoid this fear and I rarely talk about it. However, the other day I found myself daydreaming about what would happen if I was cutting something and cut my finger off. Could I live without a finger?

3. I like to savor.
Food, reading, conversation. Some call it slowness...I call it savoring the moment. I don't like to eat, read, or talk really fast.

4. I hate yelling.
No, really, I do. I find it unnecessary. You can say things in a stern way but not yell it.

5. I like what some consider "weird" foods.
Some of my favorite foods are the weird stuff. I like odd spices, veggies, and sauces. I am always open to new food options.

6. Sometimes I don't finish things.
This could be positive or negative depending on the way you look at it. I see it as I have such an adventurous spirit that I don't like to be stuck doing the same thing for eternity, some call this a quitter..I call it brave.

7. I hate mushrooms.
I really do. The texture and shape are just gross. Reilly found it hilarious to ask me repeadedly if I liked mushrooms and then ask his mom if she could make us some, hahaha.

8. Shows should be watched from beginning to end.
Call it strange but when watching a TV series I can't stand to start at random. I want to begin with season 1 and I want to follow the entire thing. It just bothers me to do otherwise.

9. It is a crime to miss the first 5 minutes of the movie.
Even if the first five minutes are virtually meaningless, I would rather leave than to miss the first five minutes I hate it.

10. I'm early for everything.
I don't mean to be..it is just in my nature. I get extremely stressed when I think I am going to be late for something.

My Song

Always been like a hummingbird
and I can't sit still
Listen up, lover listen up, I never will

Wings move faster than the human eye
And if you could see my heart
well, if you could see my heart,
Kept from flying outwards
somehow I don't know
Wonder I don't come apart
Wonder I don't come apart

Hold out your hand
Yours is the only one that I dare land upon

Stole a ruby necklace
from the chamber of a queen
Distraction for my heart
distraction for my heart
Thrumming like a diver's every time you're near
The only sound I hear, it's the only sound I hear

Sweetness captures honeybees in time
Amber like your eyes, amber like your eyes
Maybe there's a season when I'll taste that wine
A thimble at a time, a thimbleful of wine

The End is The Beginning

In 7 days it will be the end of the semester, the end of my last fall semester in College, the end of my days as an RA, the end of my days living on campus at Montreat College and in a few weeks the end of the year. In the midst of endings there is always a beginning, a start. So in just 7 days it will be the start of Christmas Break, the start of physical rest from a draining semester, the start of a new adventure, the start of a new job, the start of a new year! Sometimes I think we get caught up in the endings. We cry, we grieve, and we drown ourselves in self-pity, junk food, and chick flicks. But God never leaves us stuck at an ending. For every ending, there is a beginnig. We must rejoice in the beginning, let it wash over our hearts and fill us with hope and expectation. We must learn from the past, even grieve it, but never neglect the celebration of New Beginnings. God has created us to be eternal beings, to live in newness and life, let's embrace it and remember the baby that made it all possible.

He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.-Ecc. 3:11

Rejoice, Rejoice Emmanuel, HAS come to thee, O Israel

Listening to the very popular "O Come O Come Emmanuel", my heart is saddened. I think about the nation of Israel and how they have missed the coming of their savior. He didn't come in the way/form that they were expecting and their eyes were blinded, they missed Him because he came in the form of a gentle, innocent, baby. Can you imagine thousands and thousands of years of waiting for a Messiah that has already come? I'm sure their faces will fall when Jesus returns for the second time to marry his bride! I pray for Israel, may her eyes see what she has not seen and may her heart be open to her Messiah. What is so sad, is as I am studying Judaism in class I have found that the orthodox Jews (the strictest) know the law forwards and backwards (literally). You can say on page 901 5 lines down what is the tenth letter and they can tell you. However currently there are no sacrifices in Israel for atonement. My question was immediately "Then how are their sins forgiven?" They believe through studying and knowing the law, how sad. We know that is never how God intended it. God gave the law to show us we could never save ourselves, we needed a blood sacrifice to atone for sins. As I think about Jesus coming in the form of a baby this season, I remember Israel and I intercede for her, for she has missed the coming of her savior and is blind by her legalism. Yet, God said salvation came first for her, then for the gentiles.

"O come, o come Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel."


Rejoice, Rejoice Emmanuel HAS come to thee, O Israel.

Change IS here and IS coming

To update you a little on my life, there has definitely been a shift. I can feel it. I don't know if you have ever had an experience where you wake up and you know things ARE different. It wasn't some huge physical thing that happened you just know something inside you has shifted. That has happened to me this week. New things ARE here and ARE coming. I am encouraged. God is faithful with the hearts of his people. Over and over and over I keep hearing the verse in Song of Songs 2:10-12

Arise, my darling.
Come away, my beautiful one,

For now the winter is past;
the rain has ended and gone away.

The blossoms appear in the countryside.
The time of singing has come.

I am so joyful and outwardly its not like my physically circumstances have drastically changed but I sense the Lord honoring my prayers. Not just the ones I've prayed recently, but the ones I have prayed my entire life as a Christian. He hears them all at once. It wasn't 15 years ago for him..He is still fulfilling! I am excited.

What's New?

What's new with me? Well, there is so much going on. God is doing multiple things in my life at the same time, He always is, but this time I am just more aware of that fact. I have a couple of decisions I need to make and so I am praying about those. I am really craving to read lately but it's a bad time to get a craving like that because it is nearing the end of the semester and my work load has tripled. In just a couple of weeks I will have been a vegetarian for 6 months. That may be a record for the longest amount of time that I have stuck to something health wise. However, I am extremely concerned lately that I am not getting enough protein. I am praying about whether I should eat fish and poultry and just leave out red meat. I think that may be wisest. Even with beans, veggies, and grains, I am not able to get the protein recommended and I am worried it is beginning to take a toil on my body as far as energy and overall health. It may sound silly to pray about that but even though I don't always try the hardest health is something that is very important to me. I want to be a good steward of my body that God has given me, because it is for him. I think it would be really nice to have turkey this Thanksgiving as well :). Speaking of Thanksgiving I have been thinking a lot about it lately. "Thankfulness" is something that is being more and more foreign to our country. I worry that even as Christians, because of the world we live in today, Thankfulness has somehow lost its meaning. We say we are truly thankful but do we even know, do we even understand? I want God to so overwhelm me and wreck me with his Love and Grace that I live as a thankful woman. When my soul pulls at me to be selfish to protect myself, I want God to pour His Love out through me as I live a thankful life for His love and friendship in my life. It's counter culture but it should be our prayer. As we think about the celebration of God and his goodness this season, we need to look for every opportunity to live in thankfulness.

Christianity Today

"In Western culture everybody is speaking. Through texting, blogging, tweeting, youtubing and e-mailing and no one is listening. We have never needed the gentleness, simplicity and power of the Holy Spirit more than we do TODAY."-Os Guinness

Today as I went to the archives room in the Library to watch a national conference from over 4,000 Christian leaders worldwide, I was challenged. Os Guinness struck me with his true words about globalization and technology. He said something that has really made me think. He said because of the emptiness and modernization of western culture and how easily bored we are and always ready for the next "coolest" thing, there has never been a more oppurtune time for evangelism. He said it is increasingly easy to make converts however, increasingly difficult to make disciples. Sure, people will "try" Christianity, get their fire insurance and Christmas list but nobody wants to be a disciple, the Biblical kind of disciple, that costs you everything. It made me think a lot about how in my lifetime, ministry is going to look. Much differently than Dr. Graham's lifetime or even our parents. We have much opportunity but equal as many challenges. For those who are called to the ends of the earth, the below website is tons of videos on various topics concerning global Christianity and how to be a missionary. There are even specific countries listed. A fantastic resource!


http://www.lausanne.org/

I wish I lived in Stars Hollow

So, school is on OVERLOAD. I seriously cannot catch up, it's quite disheartening. However, to keep myself sane, I have decided that I am going to watch all the seasons of Gilmore Girls. A girl in my dorm has them all. Now, this will take an eternity, but with all of the things I have to do, I feel like I have an eternity. I bribe myself to do homework by watching Gilmore Girls, how sad. HAHA but tomorrow is Monday so I need something motivating. I could also use 3 cups of coffee right now..haha. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

Things Are Not As They Seem

I had a really incredible experience yesterday, I realized something that I had been carrying for a week that I thought was simply a physical issue was not what I thought at all, it was actually from the Lord. I was thinking today of how often we must miss the direction and prompting of the Holy Spirit because are simply living life and not paying attention. Often times God is showing us something in the Spirit, but our eyes on the natural. That has been the case for me. We need to know that God is always working, we just need to open our eyes and be willing to be available and to respond to what the Father is doing. Let us set our minds on what the Spirit is doing.

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.-Romans 8:5

Moving yourself out of complacency, as if..

I had a long chat with someone last night and I would categorize it as a conversation about complacency. We talked about all the things we WISH we were doing. Eating healthier, exercising more, sleeping better, growing Spiritually, loving others, spending our money wisely..everyone has that list. I have no doubt you have your own. If we were honest we're all a bunch of humanists. If you're not a psych major like me you probably have no idea what that means. That means that we are constantly try to reach a "better self." Many times we slap the label "trying to be better Christians" on it but really its being a humanist. We want to move ourselves out of complacency. We want to be the smartest, prettiest, wisest, richest, happiest, and most beautiful person on the planet. If you say you do not want this, you are a liar. This is human nature. So we set "goals," we make "lists," and we spend money joining gyms, weight watchers, eharmony, subscribing to magazines, and joining the Church with the greatest potential for a future mate. We are ridiculous. Then, of course we cannot be "perfect" in every area. So the areas we can't change we become complacent in. We says things like "well i'm just not one of those people who can be perfect at _____." And we give up until we get a burst of motivation to try again, to only fail again, become complacent again, and then try again. UGH. Meaningless I tell you!!! I feel like Solomon. It is all meaningless. We are never going to accomplish all these things..........on our own. Yeah, it is depressing, isn't it? So our ONLY HOPE, yes, O N L Y H O P E is that the work Jesus did on the Cross has transforming power to change us. However, God is not so much concerned with all these selfish things that you want...He has His own agenda, and yes sometimes you are not going to like it (I am currently in that boat) but the TRUTH of the matter is, you are on a futile chase to change yourself. Forget it, hate to burst your bubble but you WILL fail. Not maybe, You WILL. So don't bother, don't try. Yeah, that's right DON'T TRY. You can't get yourself out of complacency, as if! Complacency is a deep pit, and you don't have a rope or a ladder. Sure, you might could climb a few feet on your own but you won't make it out, you're not strong enough, sorry. SO what? Surrender, that's all I can say, if you don't: Yes, you will be in control and call all the shots but you WILL be miserable. If you do surrender, you may be miserable for a bit, you probably will, but you will get transformed and God will bring you into the BEST POSSIBLE YOU! So all you Humanists out there, like me, lay down your efforts and throw up the white flag.