Victim Mentality

For the past couple of days I have been thinking about what it means to have a "victim mentality." Maybe you think you've never had one but I can assure you that you are mistaken. It's that...

Nobody cares about how I feel!
I always get left out!
I am always the one having to do everything!

I am always the one that ____________. You can feel in the blank. I have heard so many people call themselves a black sheep. A black sheep in their family, their church, their circle of friends. We have all fallen to the victim mentality. Oh, I felt it strong today. At 1,000 different ends I was "rejected," or at least I felt so, whether the people intended it or not. I stopped to think WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Is it okay to feel sorry for ourselves when we are clearly wronged??? No, it is not. It is not okay. We need to wipe it off, let it go, ask Jesus to fill the wound, and move on. Today I wanted to be three years old and tell quite a few people how they needed to value what I say and what I feel, consider my time and my own life stresses, appreciate my friendship, love me as I am, make time for me, not cut me off when I am speaking, e-mail me back so I don't feel like a loser, etc. I wanted to pitch a fit and on the inside I did. Then, I realized something...it is the enemy who wants us all to have a defeated, victim mentality. This forgotten, rejected, stabbed in the back, sinned against feeling...all the time, by someone. Sadly you will see many Christians who live in this place. They can't over what Sally in 9th grade said about them in the bathroom, or their deceased parent's neglect of them growing up. I am not saying these things don't hurt, trust me, they do: I've experienced quite a few wounds myself, but it's what we do with them that counts right?

I think the easy Christian answer is to forgive and let go but it's not so easy is it? Many of us can do the forgiving part, but let it go? That's easier said than done. We want to protect our breakable hearts. That's why the minute someone does something as simple as forgets to respond to an e-mail, all the wounds burst forth in screeching agony, trying to resurface their way through our e-motions. It's reality that sometimes the way people love...well, it sucks. We all love with selfish motives sometimes because we are still in process and only God's love is agape. The only thing I have learned to do is turn to God and know that He is ALL of the things that no human could ever be for you. Then, humbly ask him to help you to let it all go and love others even with their despicable--to really see an aching heart lying in them, JUST like your own.

I'll leave you with this quote:

"Love for neighbor is love for him in all his strange, irritating, distinct createdness. Love is eternal, leveling righteousness, because it justifies no man according to his desire. Love edifies the fellowship because it seeks fellowship only. Love expects nothing, because it has already reached the goal." Karl Barth

The Will of God For Our Lives

No doubt this is a huge topic of discussion among believers. Every believer wants to be in "God's perfect will." I cannot count to you the number of conversations about this topic I have had over the years. I can remember my junior and senior year in high school. There is no word for the amount of anxiety I had over finding and obeying "God's perfect will." One thing that God has shown me in the past month is that while there is value in the persistancy of prayer (what I mean is continuing to ask God over and over), he hears us the first time we pray for something. Prayers that you prayed when you were just a child, He STILL hears them because He is outside of space and time.

So..this thought came into my head this morning. God knows I have asked for his will on a range of circumstances as well as for my life at least hundreds of times..He heard me the first time. God's will shouldn't something that we fear missing and in turn messing up our whole lives. This morning I heard "My will is accomplished in the small steps of obedience." As crazy as it sounds, simply waking up and being Led by the Spirit to shop at Ingles that day is a small step of obedience that is contributing to you living out God's will. Let me explain.

Here's how this thing goes. I took a year off from school..felt an unction to return and made a choice where I felt like God was leading. While this looked stupid to the world because I have taken on a year longer before I can graduate..I have made some connections through some connections that are contributing to God's will for my life. It was the small steps: Step to go to school, step to invest in certain people, step to attend certain events, step to respond to God to pray...etc. The little steps are bringing about God's perfect Will and it's not something that is difficult and fearful, it is just Me living my everyday life.

Dreams and Visitations

I have been saying for about a month, "This is a season of dreams." I know that is true in my life but I believe it is true for many others. I always like to praise God for my dreams given to me by Him and I normally don't like talking about ones that are not from him. However, I had last night has stuck with me all day. I won't give you names or the context but I will say it was a dream of a boy who was blindly manipulated. This dream saddened my heart because sometimes the very things and people we should trust can be our enemies.

Matthew 10:36
a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.


So what do we do?

2 Timothy 1:14
Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

2 Peter 3:17
Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position.


God had deposited something so precious and valuable inside of every believer. Inside of us he has entrusted his Spirit, His Salvation and His presence. It is easy to guard against terriosts, against known enemies and evil men but the enemy is subtle and sometimes its our closest relatives and friends that we must guard against. I'm sure eve recognized the serpent as an animal who shared her home, probably even a friend. Don't get me wrong I am not saying we should be fearful, paranoid, or unloving but we should be aware, watchful, and ALWAYS praying. We should ask God for a fortress around the precious things he has deposited in us, lest we be deceived.

If this is a season of dreams and visitations for you, guard. Guard them with all diligence and ask for discernment for who to entrust these precious things to.

Things You Should Know About Jordan

1. I like to clean in dress shoes...platforms, sandals, or flats.

Okay, a bit strange I know but they are surprisingly useful when cleaning. They will help you reach stuff, they are easy to slip on and off, and if you spill something on them it is easy to wipe it off!

2. I'm afraid of knives.
Now for most of my life I have been able to avoid this fear and I rarely talk about it. However, the other day I found myself daydreaming about what would happen if I was cutting something and cut my finger off. Could I live without a finger?

3. I like to savor.
Food, reading, conversation. Some call it slowness...I call it savoring the moment. I don't like to eat, read, or talk really fast.

4. I hate yelling.
No, really, I do. I find it unnecessary. You can say things in a stern way but not yell it.

5. I like what some consider "weird" foods.
Some of my favorite foods are the weird stuff. I like odd spices, veggies, and sauces. I am always open to new food options.

6. Sometimes I don't finish things.
This could be positive or negative depending on the way you look at it. I see it as I have such an adventurous spirit that I don't like to be stuck doing the same thing for eternity, some call this a quitter..I call it brave.

7. I hate mushrooms.
I really do. The texture and shape are just gross. Reilly found it hilarious to ask me repeadedly if I liked mushrooms and then ask his mom if she could make us some, hahaha.

8. Shows should be watched from beginning to end.
Call it strange but when watching a TV series I can't stand to start at random. I want to begin with season 1 and I want to follow the entire thing. It just bothers me to do otherwise.

9. It is a crime to miss the first 5 minutes of the movie.
Even if the first five minutes are virtually meaningless, I would rather leave than to miss the first five minutes I hate it.

10. I'm early for everything.
I don't mean to be..it is just in my nature. I get extremely stressed when I think I am going to be late for something.

My Song

Always been like a hummingbird
and I can't sit still
Listen up, lover listen up, I never will

Wings move faster than the human eye
And if you could see my heart
well, if you could see my heart,
Kept from flying outwards
somehow I don't know
Wonder I don't come apart
Wonder I don't come apart

Hold out your hand
Yours is the only one that I dare land upon

Stole a ruby necklace
from the chamber of a queen
Distraction for my heart
distraction for my heart
Thrumming like a diver's every time you're near
The only sound I hear, it's the only sound I hear

Sweetness captures honeybees in time
Amber like your eyes, amber like your eyes
Maybe there's a season when I'll taste that wine
A thimble at a time, a thimbleful of wine

The End is The Beginning

In 7 days it will be the end of the semester, the end of my last fall semester in College, the end of my days as an RA, the end of my days living on campus at Montreat College and in a few weeks the end of the year. In the midst of endings there is always a beginning, a start. So in just 7 days it will be the start of Christmas Break, the start of physical rest from a draining semester, the start of a new adventure, the start of a new job, the start of a new year! Sometimes I think we get caught up in the endings. We cry, we grieve, and we drown ourselves in self-pity, junk food, and chick flicks. But God never leaves us stuck at an ending. For every ending, there is a beginnig. We must rejoice in the beginning, let it wash over our hearts and fill us with hope and expectation. We must learn from the past, even grieve it, but never neglect the celebration of New Beginnings. God has created us to be eternal beings, to live in newness and life, let's embrace it and remember the baby that made it all possible.

He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.-Ecc. 3:11

Rejoice, Rejoice Emmanuel, HAS come to thee, O Israel

Listening to the very popular "O Come O Come Emmanuel", my heart is saddened. I think about the nation of Israel and how they have missed the coming of their savior. He didn't come in the way/form that they were expecting and their eyes were blinded, they missed Him because he came in the form of a gentle, innocent, baby. Can you imagine thousands and thousands of years of waiting for a Messiah that has already come? I'm sure their faces will fall when Jesus returns for the second time to marry his bride! I pray for Israel, may her eyes see what she has not seen and may her heart be open to her Messiah. What is so sad, is as I am studying Judaism in class I have found that the orthodox Jews (the strictest) know the law forwards and backwards (literally). You can say on page 901 5 lines down what is the tenth letter and they can tell you. However currently there are no sacrifices in Israel for atonement. My question was immediately "Then how are their sins forgiven?" They believe through studying and knowing the law, how sad. We know that is never how God intended it. God gave the law to show us we could never save ourselves, we needed a blood sacrifice to atone for sins. As I think about Jesus coming in the form of a baby this season, I remember Israel and I intercede for her, for she has missed the coming of her savior and is blind by her legalism. Yet, God said salvation came first for her, then for the gentiles.

"O come, o come Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel."


Rejoice, Rejoice Emmanuel HAS come to thee, O Israel.