Everyone I know is either engaged, married, or wants to be. Except one of my dear friends. She is helping keep me sane right now. She tells me all the downsides of marriage which helps :). She admits that it does solve some things but it definitely doesn't "make" your life. It's encouraging to hear her prospective. As for the rest of my friends, bless them, I can't take much more. I'm one of those people if I let myself go there...it is a downward spiral. Hey, I want to get married more than anyone I know, but there is no need to make it the center of my life or talk about 99% of the time. You hope when you are 16 that you will be one of those that will get married at 18 or 19, and then 18 or 19 comes and it doesn't happen. Then by the time you hit 22, like me, you think I have no earthly idea when it will happen, I literally could be 30..so if I am 30 I cannot waste EIGHT years of my life sulking, wishing, and hoping..I have to live for TODAY, in God's purposes today. Misery loves company and all of my friends are pulling at me for some company but I don't want to be the miserable company. I want to be the single, fulfilled, confident woman. Am I there? Most days, no. But I want to be. I want God to take me there because I am not living for some future relationship that may or may not happen in the next five years...I have a WHOLE life to live and I want to live if, joyfully. I want to rise up in my generation and be different and you know what? It's hard as junk..It is but I don't want to settle for uncontentment and wishing.
"And I just want to try
To know how far and deep and wide
This love is that You give
Cause that's what it is to really live
To just try and look around
See You in our breaths
And hear You in our sounds"
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