Embrace all that is You

So it just started raining really hard and I love the sound of it. I have the urge to run out into it and pray that God washes away everything from me that I have become. It's amazing to me. God spends delicate time creating billions of people uniquely, crafting their eyes, hair, mouths, noses, bodies into different forms. Giving some people humor, some musical talent, some the ability to calm people with one word. What do we do? We spend day after day trying to be like so in so, trying to "improve." How many times a day do you hear someone say "I hate my hair" "I'm too fat" "I wish I had her/his personality." I wonder about the Father. What must he think? Psalms says he FORMED us in our Mother's womb and he knew us. I think the Father knows of our ignorance and although it must be painful for Him to hear those words he knows the enemy has blinded us. So we spend our days trying to improve and change everything God has given us. ONCE in a while you will find someone who actually likes one of their features (physically or internally) and says oh, I wouldn't change that. But let's be honest most of the time we think someone else's "package" is a lot more appealing than our own. And I, my friend, am the worst of the worst. As a child, I wasn't satisfied with being a child..I wanted to be a teenager. I counted to days until I was and I dove straight into my culture. I started "fixing." Fad diets. Hair Highlights. Name Brand Clothes. Fake Nails. Fake Tan. White Strips. Acne Medication. Boyfriends. Expensive Make-up. Ears Pierced. Pedicures. You name it, I've had it. With the exception of tattoos. Praise God. I was SO unhappy with myself that my poor parents did everything they could to provide for my "fakeness." Then by God and HIS grace alone I made a turning point in middle school. It was a turning point of not just "becoming a Christian", I accepted Christ at ten years old, but to LIVE to follow Christ. I made that choice to follow him no matter what it looked like. Unfortunately my obsession with self-improvement did not "disappear" with this decision. It's SO rapid within the Church that no one thought to call me out on it. So I get into a youth group and there are new fads introduced. I found out quickly what I needed to look like to be accepted. Wear these clothes. Worship this way. Don't Date. SO I did those things for a while. Then here comes college and guess what the same thing happens. I would hear that phrase "At montreat we..." We wear Chacos. We eat healthy. We hike. We go to the drum circle. So I fall into those things...and ALLLLLL along you know what happens? You lose yourself. Yes, yourself. The God-given realness of who you really are. Pretty soon, you don't even know what YOU like. What would I have been like if I would have been born into the jungle instead of America? Maybe I would have conformed to jungle life and lost myself as well. Now on top of all this losing myself, I happen to be a people pleaser and like with most people in life others have tried to label me and tell me who I am. "Oh that's just the way you are.." The problem with a people pleaser is they buy it. So at 21 years of age I started questioning am I living a certain way because its ME or because I am a dang people pleaser and people have told me what I am supposed to be and I conformed to it? I didn't know...So I went rebellious. I started doing the opposite of what I was doing, the opposite of what I've always stood for. But it hit me deep in the gut: This just isn't working!!! So a beloved sister of mine sits me down and calls me out in the most hilarious way I've ever been called out. She says: What are you doing? You look ridiculous! In other words she was saying this isn't you! I've resented people for calling me good. I've resented people for giving me glory instead of Christ and I rebelled. I don't think my resentments were all bad but I don't think my rebellion was carried out the right way! The truth is when I made that decision in middle school to give my entire self to Jesus the what "Could have beens" disappeared. TRUTH: I could have been a whore, druggie, alcoholic, rebellious person. I don't have to prove to others that I am sinner and needed Jesus..Him and I know this FULL WELL! The point is, I'm not those things...I underwent an identity switch that I was destined for: I became a disciple of Jesus..and even though disciples mess up, they are who they are, and they follow Christ! That is who I am. I am many other things..and as God rips down these rusty old walls around me, I am going to embrace every inch of who I am. I am proud of God's creation, I am proud of my uniqueness, He loves me and BECAUSE of that I love me too. I am many things that others don't see..but they must take the time to look closer. The biggest part of me is JESUS so I am not ashamed or upset that He is what people see at first glance, even if they are idiots and attribute it to some kind of "goodness" they think I have...but I am a deep well and I am ready to let that spring up! Be who you are...God created you that way and wants to use it! Embrace all of it and don't wish to change any of it. Even the things that are not accepted by others. The truth of who we are lies in who God has created us to be, it's in there, some of us have just lost it in our quest to be like someone else. The truth is nothing really matters except who I really am. So you wanna label me? Label on :) It won't stick!